Not today and not tomorrow.

Many of you have probably heard my news from a few weeks ago.  I started having some pain in my right side when I used my right arm to move something heavy or moved a certain way.  At first I thought maybe it was a pulled muscle or something that would heal, but after a few of weeks of waiting for it to heal, it only got worse.  So, I persisted in asking doctors questions until I got some answers, and eventually, after a bone scan, and reviewing my previous CT scan, it became apparent that I did have bone metastases in my ribs, and that is what was causing my pain.  The pain wasn't terrible, but it was enough to make me avoid certain movements and to take a break from certain points of my job where heavy lifting is a necessity for the safety of myself and others. 

The good news with all of this is that the radiation oncologist was able to set up a plan with just one radiation treatment that had a good chance of eliminating or at least minimizing the pain with this treatment.  I had the treatment October 24th, and it seems to be working.  The side effects were minimal - I was tired for a few days, and achy for a few more days after that.  

In fact, I was feeling good enough the Monday to do a deeper than usual cleaning of my house - window cleaning, vacuuming, etc. It turns out this was not a good idea.... I noticed I was a little sore that day, but the next morning... holy cow! I think I have been avoiding using certain muscles, and that combined with the issues I still have in my ribs... Tuesday morning was rough, but by this morning, things had calmed down to "normal" for me.  On a side note, anybody want to come over and help me wash the rest of my windows? ;) 

I'm not going to lie... the past month has been rough. I've gotten used to the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer. I've gotten  (mostly) used to the doctor's appointments, and the scans.  I've gotten used to being told I have lung mets.  I've even gotten used to the idea that this cancer will probably kill me some day (hopefully far, far in the future). What keeps me up at night is the idea that this cancer will slowly take over my body and my ability to do what I want, as the doctors, my family and friends, and I, watch, helpless to stop it.  And, I am afraid that these bone mets, this pain, and the things they are making me avoid are just the beginning of a path that I don't want to take. 

But, I have no choice here... so, I will continue forward as best I can.  As I have told too many friends, "Cancer sucks, and it will kill too many of us, but it won't kill me today, and it won't kill me tomorrow, so I will make the best of those days, and worry about the days after that only when I have to."