A hard turn.

So, most of you know it's been a rough couple of days.  I had a scan on Thursday to follow-up with the treatment from last august, and see what else might be going on.  I got the results the same day from my doc. The good news is that the five spots that were treated are gone, leaving only cloudy looking spots on the CT.

The bad news  - two new spots on my lungs. They are small, but I had really hoped that this scan would be clear.   Since my type cancer is usually slow growing, and will sometimes just stop growing for no apparent reason my docs think the best approach for now is to wait 3 months and see what happens.  Honestly, I'm not sure what will happen if the next scans show more spots. There has been talk of doing more of the radiosurgery or trying some chemo.

One of the hard things about my type of cancer is that chemo doesn't work to keep it from coming back, which is why I haven't had any. Some people have had success with it keeping tumors from growing, but it is chemo and would likely have ugly side effects. 

So, I (and you, my friends & family) have to make the hard turn from thinking of this cancer as something that I will defeat to something that I will live with.   Victory will not be becoming cancer-free, but will instead be living my life as full as I can despite health issues. Lest you think you are getting rid of me that easily, people live many, many years with this type of cancer. And I plan to be one of them.

The best hope for a cure lies in new research, and since it is rare, large nonspecific charities like the american cancer society don't give much, if any, money toward this research.  If you would like to donate toward research that might help me, or others like me in the future, please consider accrf.org. 100% of donations will go directly to fund ACC research programs.

Round 2 - done!

So, I finished this round of radiation on Aug 15th.  I didn't think to update this then, just because it has been soooo easy! (I know, leave it to me to take the easy way out)  The worst is laying in the "right" position for extended periods of time, but I learned a few tricks to make that easier (relax, relax, relax, and bring some tunes) I've gotten some nasty heartburn (which is weird for me) but I have no idea if that is related or not.

Oh well I guess that's all for now.  I have a follow-up appt in a month (just to make sure I  don't have any weird side effects) and scan in about 2 months. guess that's it for now...

schedule change again

Ok... now it is ending Aug 15th. when they made up the schedule last time, they forgot that one of my spots gets 4 zappings instead of 3.

I can hardly believe that it's been a whole year since I was diagnosed.... it has really flown by. But, in other ways, it really feels like a lifetime ago.  So, tomorrow, help me celebrate - wish me a happy cancer-versary!

schedule change

Ok, they are changed my schedule again! Five days a week until Aug 11. ugh. It isn't bad, but an hour or more is a LOOOOONG time to lay absolutely still with your arms up over your head. After about 30 min, my one shoulder just starts to ache, and by the end, my hand was just shaking.

Oh well, what must be done must be done.

Anybody out there in cyber world want to drive me next week to give my sister a break? call or email!

radiation...again...

So, I start this afternoon. I still don't know for sure how many treatments there will be (I think 3 or 6), but everything I've read and heard says this should be way easier than the radiation I had before.  

I just wanted to take a minute to say thanks to you all (and all my family and friends). I shouldn't have been, but I was very surprised this week to have so many people offer to give me rides, or whatever I need over the next week. A friend sent me a video which sums it up nicely.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZE_8pMRH7Y&feature=related

Thanks!!! 

an update...

I thought I'd take a minute to give you all an update on my situation.  I decided to go ahead with the clinical trial. It was far more difficult decision than I thought it would be. I hope that your family members or friends never have to make a choice whether or not to a clinical trial, but if they do, please be patient with them, listen to them, ask them questions. If they ask, you can suggest, but you have no idea what you would do in that situation until you are in it. I thought I did, but it is far more complicated when it is your body. 

But, I digress. I decided to do the clinical trial because it seemed to be a good way to stop the growth of the nodules (mini-tumors in my case) that are in my lungs with many less side effects than there would be with surgery or chemo (even assuming we could find a chemo that would work). And it seems to me to be a better option than the one preferred by some doctors of "yeah, it's probably cancer growing in your lungs, but it's slow growing, so we're just going to let it grow for a while" (ok, I paraphrased, but you get the gist of it) 

The actual treatment will be stereo-tactic radio-surgery (cyber-knife, gamma-knife, novalis are all brand names), and consist of 4-12 treatments of 45 min to one hour each, every other day. For treatments, I have to lay very still, saran-wrapped into this molded form for my body, with my arms up over my head. I feel a bit like a burrito. (I had a preliminary scan yesterday with the same set-up). I'll start treatment either next week, or the week after. Just like regular radiation treatments, they have to spend fair amount of time planning exactly where the radiation will go.  I'll let you all know when the treatments will be.

And, since the question of the day seems to be "yes, but how are doing emotionally?" I seem to be handling this all ok. In a lot of ways, it is easier to deal with it now that we are pretty sure it is cancer than it was waiting for the next scan. (of course, I'd still rather be just waiting for the next scan...)

Decision Time!

Well, It has been two weeks since my last doctor's appointment, and they FINALLY sent me the paperwork for that clinical trial.  I still haven't gotten the hard copies, but they emailed me the pdfs of the files. I've read all 40 pages (40!!) of what will happen if I decide to do this trial, and what could happen if it goes bad, and what could happen if it goes well. It sounds to me like the science is there to say that this probably works in other cancers, and the treatment has relatively minor effects, so I am leaning toward doing the trial. I've emailed several more questions to the doctor's office, so hopefully I can get answers, and get started on the path I choose instead of just wavering at the corner.


Making this decision is much harder than I thought it would be. I think I am over-analyzing it.  It is very hard to make a choice with such lasting consequences, when I can't predict with any certainty what the outcome will be with either choice.